Trust in the Timing
Infertility and miscarriage, those go along with pregnancy. They aren’t topics that people regularly talk about. Why? Because they’re painful, hurtful, and heavy topics.
7.3 million-woman ages 15-44 will use some type of infertility service[1], More than 500,000 pregnancies each year end in miscarriage (occurring during the first 20 weeks)[2].
Heavy topic or not, you either know someone or have gone through this yourself. It can be a very lonely, difficult time. Some couples have no issues conceiving, others do there’s no way to tell if you’ll have those issues or not.
Our story…. So far
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since we got married in October. We made the decision that we wanted to try right away. Going into our marriage, we weren’t going to be kidless, and we didn’t want the ages of the kids to be too far stretched out that they wouldn’t be close. Between a 9-year-old and a 3-year-old, there’s already a decent stretch.
The first month came and bam Aunt Flow never showed, so I took a test and sure enough positive. I had previously gone through an ectopic pregnancy so I was very adamant that we wouldn’t tell anyone until it’s confirmed by ultrasound. At about week 7 I called to get a doctor appointment, they usually won’t take you any earlier than 8 weeks. The day after I called, I woke up bleeding.
Taking a few blurred minutes to try and figure out what is happening, try to pull myself together enough to take the little one to daycare. Called the doctor talked to his nurse, decided to go in to make sure it’s not an ectopic and to get bloodwork done. I work with my dad, so I had to try and figure out how to call my parents and let them know this secret we were keeping, thank goodness for my husband who stepped in and did it.
I can’t really explain how I felt when this was happening other than to say numb. I like to think of myself as a strong person, where I don’t often let things bug me. With this, I just kept playing over and over that it wasn’t really happening, it was just early spotting and that the pregnancy would be fine. That wasn’t the case and we did lose the baby. It’s hard on me, my husband and us as a couple. We spent the day to ourselves and leaned on each other. I think a lot of people think that only the woman is hurt by a miscarriage, that’s not the case. We both made this baby, we both got used to the idea of having one and we were excited.
We had discussed it with our doctor and were told that it's best to have at least one normal cycle before trying again. That’s exactly what we did, we didn’t want this to stop us from trying again. So, after one normal cycle we tried, and again Aunt flow didn’t show. Positive test again, after the first one we both decided we’d let it sink in and wait, not get too excited until we had ultrasounds done.
5 days later, miscarriage…. Again.
Of course, the first thing that crossed my mind was "what was I doing to make this happen?" Or "what could I do to make the pregnancy stick?" Sadly, the answer was nothing, the reason it probably wasn’t sticking had nothing to do with me or my husband. It just didn’t work, it’s the hardest thing to wrap your head around when dealing with miscarriages.
Going through this has taught me a few things. Our bodies are more complex then we think, and Gods timing is everything. Even though we may think we’re ready, God sees something we don’t. Trust in his timing. This hasn’t deterred us from trying. It just makes us want it even more.
Having a daughter I didn't expect to have a hard time getting pregnant again, but that's not the case. You realize sadly you aren't alone in this, there are women out there that have dealt with this numerous times.
We should stand together and be able to cheer each other on and be there to lean on each other. But also remember that women that go through this hurt and pain of a miscarriage, don’t necessarily want to talk about it. They’re trying to figure out why “their body” did this and trust me they know there’s no one reason to blame, they’ve been told this. They know that it happens and there’s no way around it. But at that moment in time, they just need a hug, someone to tell them they will be ok and they will get through this and that they have people in their life that care about them and are there for them if they feel like talking. That it’s perfectly normal to be mad, upset, and even jealous.
One thing I will say is to not let this define you. Keep pushing and trying and living life. I’ve said it before, Trust in the timing.
This is only the beginning of our story, we're not willing to give up on having a baby. I realize some details are personal and we'd like to keep them to ourselves but as our journey continues I'll update you on where the road takes us.
This is only the beginning of our story, we're not willing to give up on having a baby. I realize some details are personal and we'd like to keep them to ourselves but as our journey continues I'll update you on where the road takes us.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope."
John 13:7 Jesus replied, "you don't understand what I'm doing now, but someday you will."
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